Bright green bow tie's.

Although he gets home more often now (which I am ecstatic about!) it's a little unsettling at times. I guess mostly because I'm being selfish. There are some nights I want him home so badly that I want to cry, beg, plead with him to make the drive. That I can't stand ONE MORE SECOND without him there. I feel pathetic about it, wanting him home when I know it's in his best interest to stop where he can and sleep.

Then there are the nights I just want to be left alone. It's not that I don't want him in my life. I just don't feel like I have the energy to make sure that he's happy, satisfied, content with being at home. I want to use what little energy I have left to do stuff just for me. Even if that's just going to bed an hour earlier that night.

It's the unpredictability that gets to me after a while. Will he be home tonight? Will he call and say he's stuck far away? Will he show up in an hour from now? If I plan anything, meet with friends, or family, then undoubtedly he'll be home. If I don't plan anything, then it'll be the night he can't get home.

I'm concerned about the fact that he's stopped calling and texting me like he used to. He's probably stressed out, starting with a new company puts a lot of strain on a person. But he'll say he's going to call me later that day, and then I don't hear anything from him until 10 o'clock at night. Usually because I texted him asking if he's still alive. (I know it's needy of me.) Maybe it's just the difference in how men and women think. I think "I'll call you later." means sometime during the day. Maybe he just means that when he knows what's going on he'll give me a call.

I try to remember his day's are a lot different from mine. He's working on a 24 hour clock, while mine is about 8 hours. Daylight hours. Time in a truck gets confusing sometimes, I know this... I guess I forget sometimes. I start feeling forgotten.

Category Posted: General