Have you ever read Stephen King's "The Long Walk? If not, it's a good book, you should read it. But it seems to bear more then a little resemblence to the life of my truck driver. A never ending, beyond enduring, continuation toward some indefinite "finish". The winner only recieving his life as his reward. Or maybe winning your life isn't really a reward, but a punishment.

It just seems never ending... his job that is. There's no consistency. Hell, he worked for ... a large company prior to this one, who refered to him as solely a number, and yet he had more consistency than this. Ridiculous. This smaller, family run and owned company, is treating him like he's some kind of machine that never needs recharging.

I'm just pissed cause they're sending him to Kentucky on a Friday. It means he won't be home until late Saturday night. I'll admit I'm a little selfish and want him here, but I'm more pissed about the fact that he isn't getting enough sleep as is, and working another day isn't going to make it any better.

He's wore out, completely. I don't know what to do to help and I'm worried sick he's going to fall asleep at the wheel or something equally bad. I thought the new company would be better. Their ad promised they were going to get him home 3 to 5 day's a week and every weekend. A month and a half now, and he's worked every Sunday except one, and that was because he refused to go in. He gets home once a week but only gets about 5 hours, then he's got to be back on the road.

He's trying so hard to make me happy, I can see that. Even though he looks as if he's going to pass out he's so tired, he'll still sit and ask me how my day's are and how I'm doing. But he's so pale and so drained. There's got to be a better way then this. I spent the last three day's searching the internet for a local job, or at least a better company. There all the same.

I put in app's for a job. Hopefully I can find one to work around my school schedule and still pay decent. Problem is, I don't think it will help. I've offered to pay half the bills several times, and I had tons (for me tons) of money to be able to do so. He still refused. He's doing this for a different reason then money, but I'm not sure I understand why. He's said it's to allow me to concentrate on school, which that may be part of it, but I think there is something more.... I just don't know what. Ego? Pride? I know he has to be the best at what ever he's doing. Could he be running himself into the ground in order to prove, once again, that he is above and beyond 'ordinary' drivers?

If this is the case, then my getting a job won't help the situation. It might make me feel better, but won't solve anything. Might actually make things worse if he believes his male pride is in jeapordy in any way...

Why are men so complicated? Stop it, will you.

Category: General